Over the Edge
by jellyfrog
Summary: Charlie finds out what lengths he'll go to in order to protect his secrets
1. Chapter 1

Title: Over the Edge  
Rating: T  
Summary: Charlie finds out what lengths he'll go to in order to protect his secrets  
Spoilers: Season 2 through SOS  
Author's Note: Written for the Chana challenge – Charlie, Ana, a gun, and a kiss  
Disclaimer: I have no rights whatsoever to Lost or its characters.

Chapter 1

Ana leaned against the counter in the hatch's kitchen as she watched Jack stuff granola bars and bottles of water into his pack.

"You sure you want to do this?" she asked.

"I have to do something,"said Jack. "He's not talking. If I go out to the line and tell them we have him, there's a chance we could get Walt back and finally end this. I have to try."

Ana nodded. Certain as she was that Jack was wasting his time and risking his life, she knew it was no use to argue. She pulled the gun out of the waistband of her jeans and offered it to him.

"Better take this," she said.

Jack paused, his outstretched hand resting on a bottle of peroxide on the counter. He looked at the gun for a moment, then grabbed the bottle and shoved it firmly into the pack.

"No," he said. "You need that. I'm not leaving you unarmed with Henry."

"You need it more than I do," said Ana. This guy must be suicidal. He knew what he was up against with the Others; he'd been face to face with them. She couldn't understand his plan to walk into their territory defenseless.

Jack said nothing. He zipped his backpack and slung it over his shoulders.

"Fine," said Ana, gently setting the gun down on the counter. "Then I'll get another gun. Could you live with that?"

"And just how are you going to get another one?" asked Jack.

"Trust me," said Ana. She knew exactly who to go to for a gun, and how to get it. "If you want to leave before I get back, take this one. But promise me you won't go out there unarmed."

Jack smiled and shook his head. "I'm not taking that one," he said. "I'll wait for you."

That wasn't good enough. "I said _promise_."

Jack sighed in exasperation, but he shrugged off the backpack and tossed it onto a chair.

"Fine," he said. "I promise. I'll be right here when you get back."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"This too, Charlie," said Eko, tossing another log on the stack. Charlie had been sawing logs all morning to the length Eko wanted, and yet the pile of logs still to cut never seemed to get any smaller.

"Yeah, sure, no problem," he said, trickles of sweat sliding beneath the collar of his t-shirt. His hand gripping the saw was blistered and stiffening into a claw. He opened and closed it painfully a few times, then scraped the saw across the wood again, muttering under his breath, "No problem at all. I don't mind being crippled."

A shadow fell across the log and Charlie looked up to see Ana-Lucia watching him. "Hey," she said.

"Hi," said Charlie, curious. Whatever she was here for, he hoped it was important. So important that he would have to leave off sawing for the rest of the day.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" she asked.

"Uh," Charlie glanced over at Eko lashing the cut logs together into a frame. Eko looked up at Ana and paused for a moment, then went back to his work without speaking. "I suppose so," said Charlie. He gratefully dropped the saw and followed as Ana led him further away from the beach. What could she want? They had barely spoken before the hike out to find Henry's balloon, and he had spent most of that trip goading her mercilessly. Still, he had respected her desire to be sure about Henry, to get it right. She'd been the level-headed one on the trek, while Sayid had been driven by his grief and anger over Shannon. In spite of Charlie's loyalty to Sayid, he had begun to feel sense of partnership with Ana, especially after he found the grave. It was thanks to Charlie that Ana's determination paid off. She must see that too. It was flattering that she would come to him for help once again.

She stopped under a cluster of palm trees and turned to face him. Charlie gave her a conspiratorial grin and said, "What's up?"

"I need a gun," said Ana.

Bollocks. So much for teamwork.

"Sorry, can't help you," said Charlie. "As you might recall, I gave my gun to Sayid. I thought you had it now."

"I do," said Ana. "I need another one. For Jack."

"Oh, well, if it's for _Jack_," said Charlie. "I still can't help you."

Ana studied Charlie's face for a moment, her eyes dark. "C'mon Charlie," she said quietly. "I know you were in on the con with Sawyer. And I bet you know where the guns are."

The breeze off the ocean felt suddenly cold as it ruffled Charlie's hair. He hid his anxiety, keeping his face expressionless as he wondered what she knew about the con. Probably nothing. She was bluffing. Had to be.

"I'd take that bet if I had a place to spend the cash," he said confidently. "Have you seen any Dharma hardware stores on your jaunts out in the jungle? I could use a power saw."

Ana didn't respond, just stared at him with her habitual sullen expression, one hand on her hip.

"Anything else you wanted? No? I'll get back to work then," said Charlie.

"The thing is..." Ana began, but her voice trailed off reluctantly. She looked out at the ocean, her brow knit as if she were struggling with a decision.

"What?" asked Charlie, his curiosity getting the better of his annoyance.

After a long pause, she seemed to make up her mind about something and looked at him again, calm and resolute. "I saw you, man," she said. "Out in the jungle. I was there."

So that's how she knew he was in on the con. She saw him follow Locke when he went to hide the guns. But it was dark that night, she couldn't have gotten a good look at him. She guessed it was him, but it could have been anybody. It would be her word against his, and while his wasn't worth much these days, there would still be room for doubt.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said coldly. "I was on the beach with everybody else that night. And if you brought me over here just to make accusations, I think we're done." He turned and strode off. He was nearly out of the clearing when Ana spoke again.

"I saw you grab Sun."

Charlie froze, his stomach turning over. His breath caught in his chest. He slowly turned around to face Ana, while her level gaze pierced him. He knew he wouldn't be able to deny what he had done. He couldn't even speak.

"I was out with Jack that day," said Ana. "We were building the army, and we needed people. On the way back to the beach I thought I'd go see Sun, talk to her about Jin maybe joining. We could use him. So I headed for Sun's garden. I was almost there when it started to rain. And then I saw you, dragging Sun with a bag over her head and her hands tied. She was struggling, and you let go and went tearing off through the jungle. Sun ran off the other way with the hood still on. I started to follow her, but by the time I spotted her again Kate and Sawyer were already there, so I left." Ana shrugged. "Three's a crowd."

Charlie found his voice again. It came out in raspy whisper. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Because I don't want to be responsible for what happens to you when Jin finds out," said Ana. "Not if I don't have to."

"And... do you have to now?" asked Charlie.

"That's up to you."

Charlie looked back to where Eko was building his church. The stack of logs was waiting for him. He had work to do, a place there, if he could keep it. Beyond the building site, on the beach, Hurley and Libby were walking in the morning sunshine, their fingers interlaced. Sun faced the ocean with her hand shading her eyes, watching as Jin waded out and threw his net into the water.

What would happen if they found out what Charlie had done? Of course Jin would kill him, that went without saying, but strangely, Charlie found he had trouble caring. All he could think of was the night on the beach after he set the fire, when he tried to baptize Aaron. Locke had hit him, knocked him down. And as he lay in the surf, struggling to rise, everyone in his life had turned away from him, all the people he'd thought were his friends. The images of their faces were burned in his mind, he had replayed that moment so many times in the days since. If there had been anger in their faces he could have understood, but that wasn't what he saw. They had looked at him with disgust. They despised him, even though he had acted with the best intentions. How would they look at him now?

No. It wouldn't happen, he would never let them find out. No matter what he had to do.

Charlie looked back at Ana. She was waiting for an answer.

"I'll take you to the guns," said Charlie.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The hot, moist air pressed in on Ana as she followed Charlie along a path through the jungle. Bird cries rose above the murmuring harmony of insects, accompanied by the soft rhythm of Charlie's and Ana's footsteps in the mud and leaves. But after twenty minutes the jungle symphony started to grow monotonous and Ana got impatient.

"How far is this place?" she said.

"Not much farther," said Charlie, "but a little hard to get to."

"What do you mean?"

Before Charlie could answer they stepped out from beneath the canopy into glaring sunlight. Ana shaded her face as her eyes traveled up the mountainside before her. Some long ago earthquake or storm had caused it to collapse, leaving a great gash of red earth and exposed rock. A few hardy shrubs grew sideways out of crevices, straining upward to catch the sun. At the base of the cliff was a debris field of dirt and boulders; the slope there was gentle, but as they got closer to the top it would become steeper until it was almost sheer. Ana felt sick.

"Up there? Tell me you're joking," she said, trying to keep the fear out of her voice.

"Nah, it's not that bad," said Charlie. "There's a path. I'll show you, I go up there all the time."

Ana didn't move. She stared up at the cliffside and tried to shove down the panic that threatened to well up and spill out of her. It was high. Too high.

Damn phobia. She didn't know where it had come from, but it had snapped at Ana's heels her whole life. Sometimes it had even gotten in her way in her job as a cop. After one particularly unpleasant experience with a suspect on a rooftop, her captain – her mother – had sent her to a psychologist, the same one she went to later after she got shot. Man, she'd gotten sick of that guy. He had told her she could get over her fear of heights with _exposure._

Like she hadn't tried that. Like she hadn't long since decided that she would not let her life be controlled by fear. Of _anything_. So she had decided to learn how to skydive, and she did it – she jumped. Thirteen thousand feet. Couldn't get much more exposure than _that_. But she was so fricking terrified that she disconnected from it somehow, and afterward found she had blocked it out of her mind. She couldn't remember a damn thing. So she went up and jumped again, and this time she memorized every sensation, savoring every soul-tearing moment in the hope that when she hit the ground she'd be purged.

And yet here she was, all the same old feelings rising up as she looked at the mountainside. It might as well be thirteen thousand feet. Shit.

"Something wrong?" Charlie was giving her a curious look. The beginnings of a malicious grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. "That mountain a little too much for you?"

Screw that. There was no way in hell she'd let the little punk see her scared. "Lead the way," said Ana.

She followed Charlie as they clambered over and around the rocks until they reached the bottom of the cliff. Ana thought she could see the path he was talking about, zig-zagging up the mountainside along ledges and up ravines. She took a deep breath and started to climb. A branch hung over the trail and Ana put up a hand to push it out of the way.

"Watch the shrubbery," Charlie called down from ahead. "Thorns."

Ana took a closer look at the branch and saw thin, needle-sharp thorns hiding under the leaves. Beautiful. She sidestepped the bush, then headed up, trying to keep close enough to Charlie to see where he put his hands and feet. It was no good. Her mind was determined, but her body was flooded with adrenaline and she couldn't will herself out of her hands trembling or the tightness in her chest. She frequently had to stop and tell herself to breathe, stay calm. She even tried breathing exercises she learned from that psychologist. Goddamn quack.

Charlie was quick and agile, and he knew the route well; the distance between them grew steadily. Don't look down, Ana told herself over and over. She looked up and saw Charlie more than halfway to the top, the rock face still towering above him. It seemed to be angling outward, Charlie crawling along its underside like a spider. It's your imagination, Ana thought as rested her cheek against the warm rock. Her head swam. Don't look up. She willed her hands and feet to move, and started to climb again.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Charlie pulled himself up and stood panting at the top of the cliff. Ana was far below, struggling slowly up the incline. She may have blackmailed him into showing her the gun stash, but he didn't have to make it easy for her. He grinned and pulled out a bottle of water, dropping his bag on the ground. He took a few swigs from the bottle and let his eyes rove across the scenery. Nice view. Sunlight sparkling on the turquoise sea in the distance, the wild green of the jungle canopy, Ana looking even more miserable than usual.

He screwed the cap back on the bottle and dropped it into the open bag beside him. Ana was getting closer to the top now. Charlie took a step nearer the edge and looked down. He'd never taken the time to stop and look before, and was surprised by how high it really was. Must be a couple hundred meters, at least. Not straight down, but steep enough that if you fell you wouldn't be able to stop, and the momentum would carry you faster and faster until you hit the rocks at the bottom. Suddenly Ana seemed to be in quite a precarious position clinging to the harsh slope, and Charlie hated to think what would happen if she missed a step or lost her balance. It would not be pretty. And Charlie would have to carry her body back to camp, and say, "Sorry, Jack, she fell. It was a terrible accident. No, I have no idea _what_ she was doing up there," and everyone would pretend to be heartbroken that she was dead. The thought made Charlie smile a little.

Suddenly Ana's foot slipped and she slid down several feet. "Whoa, careful there!" shouted Charlie.

"I'm fine," snapped Ana. "Don't talk to me."

"So sorry for being concerned," Charlie snarled back.

"Shut _up_!"

Oh yeah, she'd be greatly mourned all right. Everyone would gather in the little cemetery and stand around in pained silence. If you can't say something nice...

What _would_ Charlie say if Ana fell? He'd have to explain how he happened to be at the scene. I was taking a walk. I was following her to see what she was up to. I was looking for bananas. Whatever. The one thing he wouldn't say was the truth: I was taking her to the guns because she saw me attack Sun. He wouldn't have to worry about that anymore. If Ana took a tumble his secret would be safe.

Charlie raised his arms and stretched. Why was Ana taking so long? For someone who trained like a marine she was a sodding bad climber. And now she wasn't climbing at all; she had stopped cold. What was she doing? Only a few meters to go and she was just leaning there, flat against the rock like she was trying to sink into it. Hurry up.

I'd be safe, Charlie thought again. Ana was the only person besides Sawyer who knew about Sun. Sawyer wouldn't tell anyone because he would have to admit that although Charlie carried it out, Sawyer was behind it. Little as Sawyer cared what the others thought of him, he wouldn't want _this_ to come out. But Ana, she had no reason to keep Charlie's secret, and she would be able to hold it over him forever, making demands, manipulating him. He'd never get out from under it. He was at her mercy.

But if she slipped again, all his problems would be solved. How odd. He'd be able to keep his secrets and his place in camp, he could earn back the respect of the other survivors, never worrying that someone might betray him. Strange, it made him feel almost hopeful. Not that he would ever wish her dead, not really. But in a way it would be... a relief.

Ana was climbing again. Finally. She'd be to the top soon.

He would never do it of course, but he could _make_ her slip. It would be unbelievably easy. All he had to do was give her a kick, knock her off balance. Not even a kick, just a shove. A nudge. Such a small thing, and this would all be over. Forever. So much for so little.

What was he thinking? He could never do something like that. Could he? When Sawyer told him about the long con and Charlie's part in it, he was horrified. What Sawyer was proposing he do to Sun was unthinkable. And yet, in the end, it had been far easier than he ever could have guessed. He had gotten a rush out of it, getting back at Locke, getting away with something, and even from the act itself. Stalking and striking. The hunt.

If he'd learned anything from the con, it was that nothing was unthinkable. He could do whatever he had to do. And he had to protect himself.

His pulse, which had long since slowed after the exertion of the climb, began to race. His breath came faster and his body tensed, ready to act. Was he really going to do this? She was almost to the top, almost in range. He stared down at her, taking in the movement of her arm muscles as she pulled herself up, the way her dark hair stuck to her forehead as she made a futile attempt to blow it out of her eyes. Just a little closer. _It's easier than you think._

Now.

Ana looked up, started to say something, but as soon as she saw Charlie's face she stopped, motionless, her eyes wide.

She knew. He was sure of it.

She was scared. Charlie saw her hand shaking as she grabbed for a handhold. She looked up at him again. Not paying attention to what she was doing, she braced her foot against a loose rock. It gave. Her foot slipped and then her hands, and she slid down, falling backward. She rolled over and over and disappeared from Charlie's view.

"Ana!" yelled Charlie, stunned. He swung himself over the edge and started to climb down after her.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

She was falling. Flashes of sky, streaks of stone, pain as her body rolled and hit the mountainside again and again. Ana clutched frantically at its surface; her arms slid over rough rock, her fingers closed on soil that came away in her hand. She heard herself scream. A smear of green shot past her and she grabbed at it, catching a leafy branch in a desperate grip.

It held. She jerked to a halt and hung from the bush by one hand, vicious thorns biting into her fingers and piercing her palm. Another scream tore from her throat through clenched teeth, more of terror than pain. She had come to rest with her back against a slab of rock that slanted out from the mountain, blocking her view of the drop below. Her legs dangled over its edge, and she kicked wildly, trying to find a foothold, but there was only empty space.

Another boulder jutted out to her left. If she could just swing her legs over a little she could get one foot on it... There. She braced against it to take some of her weight off the slender branch. Deep, gasping breaths racked her lungs and her veins ran with ice as she tried to get her bearings. She was stable, she wouldn't fall if she didn't move. The world shimmered around her, it didn't seem real. This couldn't be happening. A long time she held on, motionless, letting the terror wash over her.

"Ana!" Charlie's voice came from somewhere to her right. Her upraised arm holding the branch blocked her view; she lifted her head to look toward the sound. Charlie was close, standing on a narrow ledge with his hand outstretched. Ana dropped her head back against the stone.

"Take my hand," he said.

"I can't," Ana gasped. "I can't move."

"You've got to," said Charlie. "Please. You can do this, I'm right here."

"No!" said Ana. He wanted her to move, and she knew she would have to, but her mind reflexively searched for a way out. "I can't! Just... just go get Jack!"

There was a pause and for a moment Ana thought Charlie had done as she asked. Another stab of panic pulsed through her at the thought of being left alone. She raised her head and glanced toward the ledge again. Charlie was still there, his mouth open in disbelief.

"Are you insane?" he shouted. "Get Jack? Quit being so bloody stupid and take my hand."

He was right. There was nothing else she could do. "All right," she snapped. Fighting a wave of nausea, she pushed off from the boulder, hard, swinging her left arm over to catch hold of Charlie's hand. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her in; her foot hit the ledge just as she released the branch and the thorns tore out of her flesh. Ana flattened herself against the rock face and breathed heavily. Charlie was behind her, his body leaning in against her back, his hands on either side of her shoulders. She felt safer enclosed by his arms, she didn't want to move for a long time. Charlie didn't hurry her, just waited, breathing softly against her neck.

Finally she was ready. "Okay, we can go now. Show me how to get back up. I'll follow--"

"No!" Charlie interrupted her. "You go first."

"But I don't know--"

"That way," he said, pointing up and to the left. Ana scanned the mountainside in the direction he indicated, but didn't see a path.

"Damn it, Charlie," she started, but he cut her off again.

"Just go!" he said.

Idiot. How was she supposed to find the way? With building irritation she began to feel her way up, Charlie calling frequent directions from beneath. It helped. Dwelling on how annoying he was took her mind off her fear. A little bit.

Until they got closer to the top. Here it was almost vertical, and Ana's limbs shook, weakened from anxiety and exertion. Almost there. This was where she had slipped. Ana felt Charlie's hand on her leg as he boosted her up and over the top.

Safe. Ana lay on the earth, panting, exhausted, grateful. The ground was spinning and she hugged it, her eyes closed, her heart pounding. She heard Charlie pull himself up with a grunt and collapse on the ground beside her.

Ana rolled over onto her back. She could feel Charlie's warmth against her arm, though they weren't touching. He had saved her life. She felt like she should say something.

"Thanks, Charlie," she said softly. She wasn't one for eloquence, but she felt like she owed him a little more. "You know, I've never told anybody this, but... I'm afraid of heights. Pathetic, huh?"

Charlie didn't answer.

"Yeah, pathetic," Ana answered herself, glancing over at Charlie. He didn't seem to be listening. He looked stricken and Ana thought she saw tears in his eyes. She propped herself up on her elbow to get a better look at his face.

"What's the matter?" she said. He still said nothing, just stared up at the sky. Instinctively, Ana put her hand on the side of his face and turned his head toward her to catch his eye. "Hey, what is it?" she said.

He looked at her, his eyes full of pain, like a child in need of comfort. As she wondered what could be wrong, Ana suddenly remembered the way he had stared down at her from the top of the cliff. It had shocked her. She had never seen such intensity in him before. She had been so startled that she had taken a careless step and slipped. It was her own fault she had fallen. Now Charlie looked like a little boy, but it was not a little boy who had looked down at her with such power and possession in his gaze. Not a little boy who had saved her life. Hardly realizing what she was doing, Ana leaned down and pressed her mouth to his.

He didn't respond, and Ana was about to pull away in embarrassment when suddenly, fervently, he returned her kiss. He lifted his arms and wrapped them around her, pulling her closer. A faint moan escaped his throat and vibrated against her lips; his hand slid up the back of her neck and tangled in her hair as he kissed her more deeply. A thrill ran through Ana's body as she anticipated what would happen next.

But suddenly he let go and rolled away from her, staggering to his feet. His expression wavered between confusion and horror. "What the hell did you do that for?" he said.

Ana was stunned. She stood up slowly, her face burning. Turning away to hide her humiliation, she straightened her clothes and ran the back of her hand roughly across her mouth. What was the matter with the guy? One moment he looked like he was going to cry and the next he was telling her off for something he obviously wanted... And people said women were moody. Damn it, she didn't have time for this crap; Jack was waiting and he needed a gun. Ana's anger shielded her as she turned to face Charlie again.

"So we're up," she said, gesturing at the cliff's edge. "Now where are the guns?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Charlie's feet found the familiar path automatically, though he could hardly see where he was going. His body shook and his mind was in chaos. Had he really been about to _kill someone_? Not an outside threat like Ethan, but a person he had worked beside and trusted, one of his own. He had decided to kill her. He would have done it. The only thing that had stopped him was her eyes – he had seen terror there, as though she had looked into his soul and seen what a monster he had become.

He was a monster. But he hadn't hurt her... In the end, he had saved her. That had to count for something, didn't it? His actions were what mattered, they overcame his intentions. Surely that meant he would never have done it, he would never have become a murderer.

_Murderer_. He wasn't one, he told himself, he wasn't. But he felt like one. And what made it worse, she had kissed him. His mind reeled at the memory. How could she have done that? Maybe she hadn't known what he had planned to do; he could have been mistaken about the fear in her eyes, but it had felt so real. Or was she trying to get control of the situation, gain power over him? If that was it, it had worked. His feelings for her had never before gone beyond a mild attraction, tempered by strong dislike, but once she was in his arms it had been all he could do to hold himself back. He still trembled from the intensity of the passion he felt for her, the woman he had been about to kill. Oh God. It was too much. Horror overwhelmed him; he wanted to rip off his very skin and escape from himself.

"You have _got_ to be kidding!" Ana's voice tore through his thoughts.

"What?" Charlie stopped in confusion. They were standing at the edge of a clearing, the mountain's jagged peak rising up ahead of them.

"If you tell me we have to go up there," said Ana, pointing at the peak, "I will kill you right now."

"Oh, uh, no," said Charlie. He looked around and tried to get his bearings. "I think I got off the trail somewhere. No, it's back this way."

They made their way back across the clearing, and Charlie stopped next to a rotted out log at the edge of the treeline. He knelt down and reached inside, pulling out a blue tarp. With trembling hands he unfolded it until its contents were exposed -- a nine millimeter handgun, a rifle, a box of ammo, and three statues of the Virgin Mary. His eyes lingered on the statues, and he picked one up, imagining he could feel the weight of the heroin inside. The desire to escape was suffocating him and he ached to smash the statue against the log and touch the golden brown treasure it held. If anything could help him now...

"That's it?" said Ana. "Where are the rest of the guns?"

Charlie reluctantly tore his eyes away from the statue and looked up at Ana's glowering face. "This is everything. Sawyer has the rest."

Ana let out an irritated breath. "I thought you were taking me to Sawyer's stash. You helped him with the con. Don't you know where it is?"

"Are you daft?" said Charlie. "Sawyer wouldn't trust _me_ with that. This is just what I helped myself to before he moved the rest. I couldn't take too much or he would have noticed."

"Then what did you get out of it?" said Ana. "I mean, besides what you stole." Her gaze fell on the statue in Charlie's hand. "Eko told me about those. I take it Sawyer paid you off in smack?"

Charlie hastily placed the statue next to the others and covered them with the tarp. "I'm not using," he said.

"Oh, you're not," said Ana with a slight smile.

"No, I'm not," snapped Charlie. "I took three statues from Sawyer, and as you can see, they're all here, intact. I just... I need to know where they are, that's all. You wouldn't understand."

Ana gazed at him thoughtfully, but didn't respond. Charlie looked away.

"Look, do you want a bloody gun or don't you?" he said.

"Give me the nine millimeter," said Ana quietly. Charlie handed it to her, and she quickly pulled the cartridge out to make sure the gun was loaded before jamming it into the back of her jeans.

"You're welcome," said Charlie. He folded the tarp around the remains of his stash and shoved it back into the log, then stood and brushed the dirt off his knees. The statues would wait. They would be here when he came back. He glanced at Ana and was surprised by an unusual softness in her face.

"I understand better than you think," she said.

A jolt went through Charlie at her words. He believed her. He would never have expected it, but he believed it. She was someone who _could_ understand him, even accept him without judgment. Someone he could be himself with. The thought sparked a longing in him that took his breath away. If only he could confess everything to her... She knew about Sun, and she didn't hate him for it. But this was different, and Charlie thought again of the way everyone looked at him that night with Aaron. If he had a mirror right now he would see that look in his own eyes; he couldn't bear to see it in Ana's. He couldn't tell her what he almost did to her. He could never be with her.

Ana's expression turned puzzled. "Are you hurt?" she said.

Charlie tried to cover his feelings with a joke. "I'm dying," he said hoarsely, with an attempt at a smile. It was too close to the truth. "How did you know?"

"Uh, I don't..." She shook her head, confused. "There's blood on your face."

"What?" He wiped his cheek and looked at his hand. There was nothing there.

"No, the other side," said Ana, pointing. Charlie saw red on her palm, and remembered her hand resting gently against his face.

"You're the one who's bleeding," he said. "Your hand."

She turned her hand over and stared at it. "Oh, right," she said. "The _shrubbery_."

"Let me see," said Charlie, taking a step toward her. Without thinking he reached for her hand to get a better look, but as soon as he felt the warmth of her skin he pulled back as if he'd been burned. He couldn't allow himself to touch her again. "Uh, you should... wrap that up, or something."

"Thanks, that's helpful," said Ana sarcastically. "I'll keep it in mind." With her jaw clenched she bent her head and wiped some of the blood off on the front of her tank top. It left a blacker streak on the fabric. Her hair hung down in front of her eyes as she shot him a dark upward glance, and Charlie wondered if she felt rejected again. You think I hurt you,Charlie thought. You have no idea.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Ana inspected the wounds in her hand. She'd been conscious that it hurt, but it had been just another voice in the chorus of pain that throbbed through her body. Bruises were darkening on her arms and shoulders, and from the feel of it on every other part of her body too. Bloody scrapes ran the length of her forearms, and her head throbbed from a knot on her forehead. With everything that had happened she hadn't realized how deep the punctures in her hand were and how much it was bleeding. Now that she was paying attention, though, it hurt like hell. She wondered briefly how she was going to get back down the cliff in this state. Surprisingly she felt no wave of panic at the thought, just a weary resignation. Maybe her fear had finally been purged after all.

"Are you okay?" said Charlie, looking her over as he seemed to notice her injuries for the first time.

"Never been better," said Ana. "Got anything in that bag I could use for a bandage?"

"Oh, uh, let me see," said Charlie, lifting the shoulder strap over his head and setting the bag on the ground. He knelt down and rummaged through it. After a moment he pulled out a rust-colored t-shirt. "How about this? It's...it's clean. I forgot I stuffed it in there last time I did laundry in the--"

"Great," Ana interrupted.

Charlie stood up and handed the shirt to her. She held it awkwardly for a second before saying, "Uh, would you mind..."

"Oh, right!" said Charlie. He snatched it back and, with some difficulty, tore it into strips. He offered her one, but let go before she could grasp it. It dropped to the ground. Ana picked it up and wrapped it several times around her hand.

The guy was losing it. He had been even more freaked out by Ana's close call than she had, if that were possible. She guessed that was it, anyway, since his bizarre behavior had started even before she had kissed him. The kiss made matters worse though. It'd been a mistake. And now he was acting like he was afraid to get too close to her, like she was poisonous.

Ana took a second strip of cloth and finished bandaging her hand, tucking the end in as securely as she could. She could feel Charlie watching her, but when she looked up he was staring into the distance, in the direction of the cliff. "So," she said with a sigh, "time for the climb down, huh?"

Charlie blanched. "No!" he said. "I can't..." His voice cut off and he rubbed his forehead. Ana thought he was sweating far more than was called for in this cool, shady spot. Definitely losing it. "There's another way down," he said.

"Another way?"

"Down the north side of the mountain," said Charlie. "It's a lot longer, but... it's safer."

Ana supressed a sudden urge to pick up a rock and knock Charlie unconscious. "You're telling me this _now_? I nearly got _killed_, and all the time you knew there was a safer route?"

"I've made that climb a dozen times, I didn't think..." Charlie stopped. The same pain Ana had seen in his eyes at the top of the cliff reappeared, and now she recognized it for what it was -- guilt. He shook his head and his voice dropped to a whisper. "I'm sorry," he said.

Ana looked away. "Okay, well..." She didn't know what else to say. "Let's go."

Charlie was right, the way was much longer; they walked and climbed in silence for more than an hour. The trail was steep in places, but nothing like the cliffside. Charlie stayed ahead of Ana as if he were trying to assuage his conscience by being ready to catch her if she fell. And sure enough, when she skidded on some gravel he immediately steadied her with an arm around her waist. She couldn't help but notice how quickly he let go once she found her footing again-- he practically pushed her away -- but at least now she understood it was because he felt responsible for what had happened to her on the cliff.

Yes, the timing of the kiss had been a mistake. He wasn't prepared for it because he blamed himself for her fall. But he wanted her, that much she knew. The memory of his passion and his gentle touch made her breath come a little faster. She wasn't going to give up so easily; she'd start again, only this time she'd take it more slowly.

And there was another thing she knew. She had seen the desperate need in his eyes as he held the Virgin Mary statue. She'd had plenty of experience with junkies in her days as a cop, she knew how they operated, and she believed Charlie when he said he wasn't using. But she also knew from the way he looked at that statue that he was in danger of relapsing. He was right on the edge, and Ana made up her mind to do everything in her power to keep him from going over. More than anything now he needed a friend, and it was going to be Ana, whether Charlie liked it or not.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Once off the mountain and back on the jungle path that led to the beach, Charlie relaxed a little. They were far enough away from any cliffs or precipices that there would be no more temptations. At least, not that kind. Just walking beside Ana was a powerful temptation of a different sort; she was still close enough to touch. He needed to get away from her, from himself, from everything that had happened that day. He wanted to be gone, empty, free. Just for a little while.

Soon they reached the place where the path branched off toward the hatch, and Charlie halted.

"So here we are," he said. "Thanks for the walk. It's been fun."

"You heading back to the beach?" said Ana.

Charlie shrugged. "Sure," he said, though in his mind he was already planning his route back up the mountain to the place where relief waited, encased in ceramic.

"I have to take the gun to Jack, but after that I was thinking I could meet you at the beach. Locke will be okay watching Henry for a while," said Ana.

"Meet me?" said Charlie, puzzled. "Why?"

Ana smiled. A mischievous, tender, heartbreaking smile. "I always see you with that guitar, and I want to know if you can play it. I have my doubts."

"I can play it," said Charlie, grinning back at her in spite of himself. "In fact, I'm bloody brilliant."

"You're gonna have to prove that," said Ana. "So you'll wait for me?"

Charlie hesitated, glancing involuntarily in the direction they had just come.

"Of course, if you don't show I know where to go to find you," said Ana, her smile fading. "I even know a shortcut."

"No," said Charlie quickly. He tried to shut out the memory of watching her fall. "Don't go back up there."

"Don't make me."

They stared at each other for a long moment, a challenge in Ana's gaze. Once again Charlie felt sure she knew exactly what he was planning. "Fine," he said at last. "I'll be at the beach when you're done."

"Good," she said. "I want you to know, Charlie, your secret is safe with me."

For a moment Charlie was confused. Secret? Did she mean the drugs? Or that he'd nearly murdered her? Oh, Sun. She was talking about Sun. That's what this was about, the secret that he'd done all this to protect. He would have been better off walking right up to Sun and Jin and telling them himself. Maybe he'd do just that. He deserved whatever Jin did to him.

Ana had started down the path toward the hatch. Suddenly she stopped and turned around.

"One more thing... about what happened out there, " she said. She bit her lip and looked away, then continued reluctantly, "When I kissed you."

"Yeah," said Charlie. He had hoped she wouldn't want to talk about it.

Ana stared at the ground for a moment before raising her eyes to meet Charlie's. "Let's just forget it," she said. "Okay?"

Forget it, right. No problem. Forget the weight of her body on his chest, the scent of her hair as the thick, dark strands brushed across his cheek, the taste of her lips. Forget how he'd held her life in his hands a moment before and decided to take it, only to discover how precious it was to him.

Charlie forced a smile. "It's forgotten," he said.

Ana looked at him with a troubled expression, then gave a slight nod. "Thanks," she said, and headed for the hatch where Jack was waiting for the gun. Charlie watched her go.

THE END


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